The Last from Sacred Parenting: A Reality Check

The truth is, only one out of ten billion of us will ever be remembered by history. There will always be the occasional Cleopatras and Napoleons recalled by later generations, but of the billions of people alive on the earth today, less than one-half of one percent will be remembered two hundred years from now. To organize your life around the off-chance that you'll be that one in ten million seems about as stupid as buying a lottery ticker and expecting to win... History is littered with kings and queens and even popes who now rate nothing more than an obscure footnote in obscure history books that nobody reads.

That's a humbling thought, isn't it? As I make preparations for seminary and think about where that road may lead, it gives me great pause. Too many preachers' kids are turned away from the love of Christ by the loss of one or more parents to vocational ministry.

"The cause is too great."

"They can't do it without me."

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

All lines I can hear myself saying... All lines that betray deeper thoughts: My identity is in the work; I think I'm more important than I am; I can twist scripture, take it out of context and away from the great themes of the Bible, and manipulate it to justify my actions and desires.

Scary.

Here's the truth: The kingdom's advance is a great cause, but so too is its advance in my family. The sovereign God is running the show, has been since the beginning, and will continue to do so long after I'm gone. And I need good counsel and friends asking hard questions about my time and my priorities.

Father, I so want Peyton to walk with you, to have a heart fully devoted like David. You are too good, too awesome, too loving for me to jeopardize her knowing you by succumbing to lesser desires. Show me how to work for your Kingdom is such an attractive, authentic way that she praises you all the more.

The Next Chapter in My Life

Yesterday I received word that I was accepted into the Masters of Theology program at Dallas Theological Seminary. I'll start classes in late August. I'm excited. I'm nervous. It has been a number of years since I was considered a student. All the study habits and tricks of college have faded in my memory. Over the next couple of years, I'll learn two new languages and volumes of historical trivia. And if I don't get in the way, I'll get to know God more intimately.

Reading the course descriptions actually got me excited today--probably a really good sign. Too many courses, too little time. I'm hoping to get started with 12 hours in the fall. With a newborn, that may prove overzealous, but Rayna and I both want to move quickly. So if we can, we're gonna stretch a bit. Rayna keeps reminding me of a slogan I had early in our marriage: "I can do anything for a season." I've stopped saying that lately probably because of some of the recent seasons.

Exciting times!

The Monster Within

I struggle with anger. Maybe it's because of the red hair or the Irish + Scottish + German background. Whatever the cause, it torments my soul and has left untold volumes of relational damage in its wake. I can identify with Bruce Banner (the incredible Hulk) when he says, "You won't like me when I'm angry."

As I continue to read Sacred Parenting, again and again I find myself in the words Thomas wrote. In a chapter on anger littered with memorable thoughts and insight, I've pulled a handful of quotes to comment on.

Even if we don't recognize parenting as a religious process, it becomes one. Suddenly, issues of fairness, provision, justice, and the future take on transcendent meaning. If you want to enjoy children without these challenging forces shaping your life, then visit a soccer game, rent a kids' video, or hand out treats on Halloween -- but don't become a parent.

Like it or not, ready or not, parenting thrusts you into the deep waters of life. I've been asked a couple times recently when is a good time to have kids. My witty (or perhaps witless) response has been: there's never a good time to have kids. As I think harder on the question, it seems that the time to have kids, in as much as you and I have a say in it, would be when you're at peace with God and your spouse and your feeling compelled to go deeper, to be stretched in new ways, to be humbled. Sure, there's wisdom warranting application, but the hand of the sovereign God is mightier than the most robust plan. For Rayna and I, the journey has led us to new heights of dependence and prayer, community and authenticity, and understanding and peace. And we're just over three months in. With trepidation, I wonder what the next 18 years will hold.

I have to put my emotions to the test and corral them with my intellect. I don't ignore them, but neither should I allow them to drive my reaction. They're just there, like the weather, making the situation more or less pleasant, but they must not determine what I do.

Whether the emotion is anger, hurt, fear, joy, or something else, this is true. When our emotions govern, there's no reliable compass to navigate by. In my case, I've got to pause and ask why I'm angry. If I'm honest, most likely I've been inconvenienced or unintentionally offended. Neither are grounds for a wrathful response, regardless of how much I want to deliver one.

Researchers have found a cluster of nerves, the amygdala, near the brain stem that controls emotions and the physical and hormonal response to them. Strongly associated with the "fight or flight", the amygdala can temporarily override and hijack the rest of the brain. Personally, I think this is perhaps the one area of anatomy most gravely affected by sin and the evil one. Think of all the damage done by lost tempers and unbridled fear.

I know in my heart of hearts that no one loves any child more than the God who created that child. Yes, you would die for that child, but God already has. No one feels that child's pain more than God himself. When you sleep, you forget about your child's ordeal, but God never sleeps. That child's predicament remains always before him, and the Lord never misses a single stab of pain. He hears every sigh, counts every tear, notices every wince.

I remember how hard it was to listen to Peyton cry when we first got her home from the hospital, especially if I thought I could do something about it but shouldn't--like her crying when we put her down for a nap. My ears have numbed to a degree to it, but I think that's a small measure of God's grace to get through it. Thinking about God's 24/7 attentiveness, I can't fathom His heartache.

Our children need to see how offended we feel by their lack of respect and by actions that my endanger their lives or soil their character, or how passionate we become when we see injustice. Our kids will glean a rich harvest merely from watching what raises the ire of their parents and grandparents -- provided we get angry about the right things!

Obviously that last clause is key: get angry about the right things. I get angry about losing a board game or if the Longhorns or Cowboys suffer defeat. Clearly I need to choose better what I let get me riled up. I also get angry about the devastation left by Malaria and HIV/AIDS in Africa. That's one fire I hope Peyton does catch.

Father, I confess my anger. I need your Spirit to rule my amygdala so that I respond as you would: with love always, with anger where need be. Shape me into worthy example for Peyton's sake and my own.

Memories of Africa

Almost a year ago, Rayna and I returned from Africa having spent 4 days in the ghettos of Lusaka, Zambia, 5 days visiting World Vision projects in Mbala and Sinazongwe, Zambia, and 4 days on touring and safari mostly near Kasane, Botswana. An amazing experience!

Last Sunday, the team from Westlake Hills Presbyterian Church that we went with a year ago left for another mission trip to Zambia. My heart longs to be there with them, so my prayers have been repeatedly directed towards the relationships, first, and work, secondarily, ahead of them. My thoughts, too, are frequented by my own memories of the experience.

Our first morning in Mbala with the World Vision project staff began with their customary morning devotions. Somehow someone thought it would be a good idea if one person from the staff and one of the visitors each led part of the devotion. I'll give you one guess who ended up as the representative from our team. You got it: yours truly!

So I followed one of their senior staffers and his well-planned meditation from Isaiah with my own more impromptu thoughts from Genesis 1. I thought it'd be good for me to reflect on the passage again.

In the beginning, God... Genesis 1:1

Too often I approach scripture as a Magic Eight Ball--a toy to shake around, turn over, and find the answers to my problems. Yet this book starts with God. This is His story first and foremost, not mine. The Bible holds many applications for life and living, but they are nested in the larger context of God creating, loving, judging, redeeming, and restoring. God is the main character, the hero in scripture, not me.

In the beginning, God CREATED... Genesis 1:1, emphasis added

I love that creation was intentional. God didn't accidentally let it happen. He didn't passively just allow it to come into existence. No, He initiated. He purposed. He set into motion. Knowing that gives value to what I see and meaning to what happens around me.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1

The night sky in Mbala was jaw-dropping. I had to adjust my bearing for the rearranged constellations, but the stars seemed to turn on their high beams. The ambient light from the town proved little competition. I remember standing there locked in wonder and amazement at God's craftsmanship.

The timeline given in Genesis 1 gives evangelicals fits. Was the earth actually created in seven days as we measure time, or is there some other explanation? I believe that's the wrong question. to ask of this text. Genesis 1 is the world's introduction to monotheism, not God's instruction manual for how to make a universe. If it were the assembly instructions, it's clarity and detail would rank up there with the guides that accompany children's toys labeled "some assembly required"--completely useless.

No, Genesis 1 sets the stage for God's supremacy over all creation and, more importantly, over all the perceived deities of the day. The sun and moon, the oceans, and all sorts of animals were thought to represent gods or be gods themselves. Genesis say no. God existed before them. He created them. In fact, by saying that light and dark existed before the sun and moon seems like ancient deity trash talk, implying that the sun and moon (and the gods they symbolized) were impotent and had no power at all.

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." Genesis 1:26

The imago Dei - the image of God. You and I, we were created as image bearers for the King. While that image may be tarnished by sin, we have dignity because of all creation, we are the only ones crafted in His image.

In addition, when someone carrying the image of a king went somewhere or said something or had something happen to them, it was as if the king went, spoke, or was acted upon. So we too bear the responsibility of going where He would, speaking His word, and treating one another with the humility and reverence due the King. To do otherwise is an act of treason, which would in part justify the death penalty warranted by sin.

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. Genesis 1:31

Day one through five: good days. Day six with the creation of man: very good. How awesome is it that the value we add to creation steps it up a notch? That's what God thinks of us.

What an incredible Creator and a fascinating introduction to God's story!

The Guilt of Parenthood

As the parent of a infant, I must wake up periodically in the wee hours for Peyton. Sometimes I'm more enthusiastic about this than others. Well, that's being too generous and short on authenticity. The reality is that it sucks when I've been asleep for two hours and she starts squawking to do our change 'n' feed ritual. The real kicker is when she decides that this midnight session is not a quick pit stop but rather a full-on, two-plus-hour playtime with Daddy.

I love my daughter, but I joke that not even Jesus wants to be around me at that hour. I am impatient and easily irritated when I think I should be sleeping. And when the frustration escalates, I feel guilty and grossly inadequate as a parent. Shouldn't I be able to show patience and compassion to my precious daughter? Shouldn't I appreciate these special moments when she actually wants to spend time with me? Shouldn't I be able to soothe her back to sleep? Shouldn't I...?

This evening I read a chapter in Sacred Parenting, by Gary Thomas, that spoke directly into my disappointment and guilt, and I'd like to share a couple statements he made.

It dawned on me that not only am I not fully qualified to parent, I also have to admit that sometimes -- out of weariness, distraction, or whatever -- I don't even live up to my own capabilities. I'm less than my best, even though I realize my best isn't good enough!

I get that. It's the God's honest truth about me too. Thankfully Rayna knows more about this kid stuff than I do, but even together it feels like we navigate largely on our best guess. I figure I missed the line where God handed out the instruction manual for raising kids.

The reality is that Peyton needs complete love and compassionate truth, and I'm not capable of delivering that 100% of the time. By God's grace, I get it right sometimes, but I'm far from perfect. Just like me, she needs what only God can provide. If I try to shoulder that responsibility, that unfailing, perfect love, then I'm taking on a mantle I can't carry. And when I think or act like I can, then I supplant Yahweh's role in her life and try to make me her god.

What a great relief! I don't have to be perfect or put on some facade for Peyton. I'm not suggesting that it's okay for me to remain short-fused. No, God is still at work in me on that character issue. But when it comes to Peyton, I have to love her to the best of my abilities and continue to learn to love her better. And when I fail, and fail I will, I need to ask for forgiveness, pursue reconciliation, and show her that Daddy needs Jesus too.

It's no accident that we have the children we have; God made them and placed them in our care. When he did so, he knew our limitations, but he still entrusted us with these children.

Again, the sovereignty of an all-knowing God brings me great peace. God knew that at 31 years old, I still wouldn't have all the answers. He knew how far I would still have to go in character school and what subjects I would need remedial help in. He knew I would be past my all-nighter years--those were exhausted in college and in my early to mid twenties for the most part. He knew. This not a surprise to Him. It's not like He didn't see any of this coming. This is His plan, and knowing all this, He still gave us Peyton and said it was time to become a father. Now I may joke that He's crazy, and he most certainly has a sense of humor; nonetheless, He entrusted Rayna and me with Peyton. He thought it the right idea, the right plan.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this book. It's not a parenting how-to book. Gary looks instead at how God uses parenting to shape parents and work in their lives. From what I've read so far, I expect this book will stimulate many more thoughts and reflections.

PS: Gary also wrote Sacred Marriage which I HIGHLY recommend. It challenges our culture's perspective on marriage: what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? AWESOME read.

God of War

So I'm leading a Bible Study right now on the book of Deuteronomy. Why Deuteronomy? Aside from ranking with Isaiah, Psalms, and Genesis as one of the most quoted books in the New Testament, I was drawn to its context: Moses' final words to people of Israel before they crossed the Jordan River and embarked on their new journey as the nation of Israel. What would be important enough to make it into Moses' swansong? What final thoughts would their leader want to impart? Sounds like an interesting book, right? Like something right off the Babylonian Times Best Seller list?

Of all the books in the Bible, I had to choose this one...

Then came passages like this:

When the LORD your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you—and when the LORD your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy. Deuteronomy 7:1-2

Real men and women engaged in real life and death combat. Hundreds of thousands were killed, and an untold number wounded. Could the one who sent his Son to rescue mankind be the same one who instructed Israel to commit genocide? Could the father of the one who said "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" say "Show them no mercy"? Could God the Creator be the God of War? In an era consumed with talk of Holy War, these questions beg for answers and understanding.

Much akin to investigative reporting, I started with the basics: Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? I wanted to see what observations I could make from the Bible and from those, look for themes and patterns to build my understanding upon. As a tool for solidifying my understand, I'm going to share what I found. So here goes...

War was so common in Old Testament times that while we may associate spring time with spring break, spring cleaning, spring flowers, spring showers, or spring practice, twice in scripture spring is said to be the time when kings go off to war. (2 Sam 11:1; 1 Chron 20:1) That's a sad commentary to begin with and, worse yet, seemingly not too different from the times we live in with conflicts raging around the globe.

Scripture paints a picture of God intimately involved with war. (Josh 11:20; Deut 4:34) Sometimes He instructs the Israelites to fight. (Deut 2:24) Other times He says, "Don't." (Deut 1:42, 2:9) What's noteworthy is that in the midst of a section of Deuteronomy where Moses is conveying instructions about who to and who not to fight, we, the readers, are told that God fought and destroyed three other nations on behalf of non-Israelite peoples: Ammonites, Edomites, and Caphtorites. (Deut 2:20-23) So, God isn't just involved when Israel is at arms. He sovereignly orchestrates all war, but to what ends?

The marching orders in Deuteronomy 7 are clear: completely annihilate seven nations. The answers to "Why?" and "Why now?" are found partly in Genesis 15:12-21. Here God tells Abraham that his descendants will occupy the land of Canaan, but they can't conquer it yet because the "sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure." So God used Israel's conquest as an instrument of judgment against the seven nations for their sin.

What also strikes me in that passage is that God is not whimsical or short-fused. He didn't arbitrarily destroy the people of Canaan. He had just cause. In addition, He had plenty of time (4 generations) and opportunity before the conquest to destroy them. Instead He waited to bring judgment until the nations' sin has reached its full measure. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I follow a patient, intentional God...an even greater sigh when I know God's patience is driven by His desire for repentance and restored relationship. (Jonah 3:4-10)

But there's more at stake here than just judgment of sin. With a sovereign God, one event can accomplish multiple goals. Such is the case with Israel's conquest. Protecting Israel's worship of the one true God is linked to the destruction of the surrounding people. These nations would tempt Israel (often sexually) into serving their gods, leading Israel astray. (Ex 23:32-33; Deut 7:3-4, 16) The Israelites were to have one true love, one affection, and God was unwilling to share their devotion. (Ex 34:14; Deut 4:24) God intended Israel to lead in and model for the rest of the world what a right relationship with Him looked like. (Ex 19:5-6)

This concern reemerges later in Deuteronomy too. In contrast to chapter 7's battle tactics stand God's instructions for warring against people living outside the promise land. Instead of total annihilation, God says to start by offering peace. But again as it pertains to the current occupants of the promise land, Israel is told "do not leave alive anything that breathes," reinforcing the magnitude of God's concern and the lengths He would have Israel go to protect their loyalty and fidelity. (Deut 20:10-18)

With all the success Israel had taking over the promise land, it's easy to think Israel was special and received preferential treatment from God. On the one hand, they did. Deliverance from slavery...parting the Red Sea...manna from heaven...parting the Jordan River...lop-sided military victories. God even repeatedly describes them as his "treasured possession." (Ex 19:5a; Deut 7:6, 14:1b-2, 26:18; Psalm 135:4)

On the other hand, God made it crystal clear that Israel wasn't special in their own right. They were weaker and smaller than the other nations. (Deut 7:7) They didn't merit the land based on their integrity or righteousness because they had none. (Deut 9:4-6) In fact Ezekiel describes Israel's worthiness as though they were an unwashed, uncut, unclothed baby fresh out of the womb, kicking about in their blood, and whose parents were an Amorite father and Hittite mother--two nations on the Deuteronomy 7 black list. (Eze 16:2-6)

Likewise, God didn't have a double standard in His treatment of Israel. God promised time and again that if Israel abandoned Him, if they failed to observe His commands, if they worshipped other gods, if they prostituted themselves to the surrounding nations, their judgment would come. (Lev 26:14-17; Deut 8:19-20)

And come it did, again and again, until ultimately they were no longer a sovereign nation but at best a scattered people. God used the Cushites, Canaanites, Midianites, Moabites, Philistines, Assyrians and Babylonians to judge Israel. They suffered military defeats and eventually the savage siege of her capital, Jerusalem, and the forced relocation of their aristocracy. (Judg 2:10-23, 3:8, 3:12, 4:2, 6:1, 10:6-9; 2 Kings 17:5-6, 25:1-26)

God wasn't Israel's genie-in-a-bottle or magical trump card to be play at their whim. Joshua 5:13-14 recounts an encounter between Joshua and a man armed and ready for battle. Joshua asks the man which side he's on: Israel's or their enemies'? The man's answer: Neither. He had come "as the commander of the army of the Lord." God's allegiance was with himself. He would fight for his sake and cause, nothing less.

1 Samuel 4:1-11 tells of how Israel thought they'd be victorious if they just brought the ark of the covenant with them into battle--like a good luck charm. The result: Israel lost 30,000 men, and the Philistines took possession of the ark, the keeper of the covenant.

Consider the fortunes of Rahab and Achan. Rahab, a Canaanite prostitute, is not only spared for her faith in God, but she gives birth to Boaz--Ruth's kinsman redeemer and King David's great grandfather--and receives recognition in Hebrew's Hall-of-Fame/Faith. (Josh 2; Matt 1:1-16; Heb 11:31) Achan, clansman of the tribe of Judah, disobeyed God's command and took plunder from the victory at Jericho. As a result, God's anger burned against Israel, Israel lost its first battle, and Achen and his whole family was stoned to death. (Josh 7) In short, the Canaanite was spared, and the Israelite was destroyed--outcomes determined by their relationship with God.

So does God like war? Is it a good thing? No.

How's that for a short answer?

God hates violence. (Psalm 11:5) Unlike some deities of ancient religion, Yahweh is not a fan of war, death, and destruction. These things are consequences of sin that came about as a result of or after the Fall in Genesis 3. Before the Fall was peace and an all-access pass to God as man walked freely in garden with God. Afterwards, not so much. In Genesis 6:11-21, God so abhorred the violence which had enveloped the Earth that He hit the cosmic reset button and destroyed all but Noah's family.

Yet perhaps the most telling story of God's perspective on war is found in 1 Chronicles 22:7-10. David, the writer of numerous Psalms, the man after God's own heart, the king by which all the other kings would be measured, David had his construction plans for the temple of God torpedoed. Why deny David this great honor? Not because he didn't love God enough, but rather because his legacy of war as Israel's king. God wanted the place where all Israel would come to worship associated with peace and rest, not bloodshed. So He chose Solomon (David's son with Bathsheba whose name may have been derived from the Hebrew word for 'peace') in order that history would accredit a man of peace as the builder of His house.

Nonetheless, a just, holy God must deal with sin, and our God is the only one with properly balanced scales to measure out justice. Ezekiel 7:11 describes how violence became the tool to punish wickedness. It's as if to say the consequence of sin and rebellion is being on the receiving end of more sin. In Genesis 9:5-6, God told Noah that He will demand a reckoning for people who are killed and that justice for those who shed blood will come in their own blood being shed.

One last observation: the phrase "holy war" is not found in the NIV translation of the Bible. In the NASB, it is found only once, Micah 3:5, where the context is prophets leading the people of God astray and declare war against people who don't buy them off. (Not being a Hebrew scholar, I don't know why in out of the 319 uses of this particular Hebrew word, the NASB translated this one occurrence as "holy war".) So while God declares many things holy, set apart--things like Sabbaths, sacrifices, His people, etc.--war is not one of them.

Applying this knowledge to New Testament times is a challenge. First, God is no longer building a nation-state to serve as a priesthood to the rest of the world. Rather, He's commissioned the church--an entity that can and should bridge ethnic, national, racial, and economic boundaries--for that purpose. (1 Peter 2:9) Second, the kingdom we fight for is God's, so Paul points us to new weaponry: righteousness and truth, peace and faith, salvation and scripture, and prayer. (Eph 6:10-18)

Undoubtedly the notions of self-defense and defending the oppressed in a world that prefers guns, road-side explosives, and suicide bombers must be humbly and prayerfully engaged and filtered through the truth of scripture. But where I find my thoughts directed now are to the other story lines of war.

In Israel's conquest, one major storyline was their worship. Who would they serve? Who would they pledge their allegiance to? Who would they remain faithful and obedient to? To the church today: do we show that allegiance, the full devotion God wants and deserves? Or have we been seduced by the cultures around us into some half-baked (or less) following of God--like obeying His commands when it's convenient or self-serving? What needs to change or have an end put to it? To me, the Christ-follower: the same question...what do I need to cut out of my life that snares me--like a job, an addiction, a relationship, a hobby, a TV show?

My other line of thought is to look for the other stories unfolding in war, like the story of Rahab. How is God bringing himself glory in the midst of war? Is it just the defeat of evil? Or is it through love being poured into the literal and metaphorical wounds of such times? Is it through those suffering exhibiting peace because they're confident in the sovereign King? Is it through the humility of peacemakers? God is still in control, so what else is He up to?

How grateful am I that God can bring Himself glory in the midst of fallenness. By doing so, He redeems the brokenness, the pain, and the suffering by giving it meaning, purpose, and value. May His kingdom come in the midst of the violence of our times.

In the Beginning (of this blog)

Welcome to the Journey!

Let me give you a little background about this blog. My daughter, Peyton, underwent open-heart surgery at 8 days old. During her hospitalization, friends of mine suggested that I utilize a blog to communicate updates to friends and family instead of manage an overwhelming mass email list. (To catch up on Peyton's blog and see some cute photos, check out peytonhanschen.blogspot.com.) While the simplicity of blogging certainly made sharing the news easier, two things happened unexpectedly.

First, so many people shared the blog with their circle of friends and prayer groups that we received encouragements from around the country and, really, from around the globe. That response was used by God to lift my wife's and my spirits in amazing ways.

Second, I found an outlet to process my emotions, my understanding of God, my struggles, my thinking--in short, my journey. By sharing with such authenticity, God touched, challenged, and encouraged a number of readers (or so I've been told by folks through email and in person). My response to that: Way to go God! Only He could leverage such a tragedy to such good outcomes.

Now that the drama has subsided, I breathe easier. And yet, I still desire to process the road I'm on, what I'm learning, and where God's pushing my buttons. So this blog is intended to carry on what began with Peyton's blog: to be a forum where I can share and explore life and God. I expect that I'll write about the goings-on in my life, in my relationship with God, and in the world around me--though I wouldn't expect this to be good place for the latest news headlines. I purpose to write about what's stirring in me, what I'm excited about, and what I'm learning. Hopefully this blog, this journey, will be used by God as its predecessor was: to honor Him and serve as tool He uses in my life and yours!

Karl

PS: I'm working on the first real post and should have it up Tuesday (6/60/09) evening.